Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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