i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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