Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
