I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
