If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
