he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
