"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
