dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
