hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
