Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
