Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
