u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
