i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
