i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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