Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
