These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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