i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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