So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
