I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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