Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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