Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
