I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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