no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
