did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
