Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
