shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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