dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
