fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
