four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
