well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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