At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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