Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
