I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
