Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drunk is not a location!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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