just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
