woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
