Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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