In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
