i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
