Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
