someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
