Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
