i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
