Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please don't give away my fajitas
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