I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
