you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
