his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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