I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
