so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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