So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
