i was born a porn star she said
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There r osticjed everywhere
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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