Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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