he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
